Need You To Understand
by Caz Malfoy
Summary: Jack needs Ianto to understand why he did what he did...


**Title:** Need You To Understand  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:** FRT  
**Pairing:** Past Lisa/Ianto. Jack/Ianto.  
**Summary:** Jack needs to Ianto to understand why he did what he did...  
**Spoilers: **References to Army of Ghosts and Doomsday.  
**Author's note:** Post Cyber-woman fic.

x

The other's had gone home long ago. Left him alone to deal with the mess his foolhardy attempts at trying to keep his love alive had made. It was just him; alone with a mop, bleach and a medicated pterodactyl (they had been forced to sedate her after… After what had happened).

He heard heavy footsteps behind him as he scrubbed the floor with the wooden handled brush he held in his hands, and froze in fear. He could practically feel the barrel of the gun that would soon be pressed against the back of his head.

To his surprise nothing happened and he braved turning his head. To his surprise, Jack crossed the small space and picked up a mop, dipping it in the bucket of water and silently beginning to clean the floor.

Ianto stared at him for a solid ten minutes before finally blurting out, "What are you doing?"

Jack started a little, he looked sheepish when he raised his head; Ianto suspected he had actually forgotten the other man was even there. "Oh…" he murmured, looking down at the mop in his hands with a confused expression. "I'm helping you," he added in explanation, rinsing the blood from the mop in the bucket.

"But why?" Ianto pressed. "You told me I was to do it alone. That it was my mess, I could clean it up myself."

Jack winced and rolled his shoulders. "Yeah… I know what I said. Ianto… That… What I said earlier… I was angry. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Ianto repeated with a snort of laughter. "Shouldn't it be me that apologised? I was the one that put the world in danger. The one who almost got the entire team killed. The one who… I lied to you."

The Captain chuckled dryly. "It's not the first time I've been lied to. And I seriously doubt it'll be the last. What you did… I can understand why you would want to believe that she – that Lisa – was still in there somewhere. Sometimes when you've got nothing else, hope it all you have to hold onto."

Ianto raised an eyebrow at the depth of Jack's words and the hidden pain behind them. Something bad had happened to Jack in the past, that much was obvious, but when the leader of Torchwood didn't elaborate, Ianto didn't press. It wasn't his place.

"But you also have to understand why I couldn't let her live like that," Jack continued softly, leaning the mop against the wall nearby and moving over to Ianto. "It wasn't because I wanted to hurt you, or make you mad at me. I would have done the same if any other member of the team had been in your position."

The Welshman placed his own brush to the side and got to his feet. His suit was already ruined, blood and water stains covering it, so he didn't bother brushing the dirt away from his knees.

"She…" He swallowed thickly over the lump that rose in his throat. "She was a threat to the world. I know that now, Sir."

Jack nodded his head, before shaking it a little. "That's only part of the reason," he confessed.

Ianto hesitated when Jack held his hand out. He wasn't sure if everything the Captain was doing was an elaborate plan to set him up so it was easier to execute him. Figuring he had nothing left to lose, Ianto tentatively slid his hand into Jack's and allowed him to lead him over to a discarded metal crate nearby.

Sitting next to Ianto, Jack looked at their still joined hands for a moment before reluctantly releasing him and taking a deep breath. "The Cybermen, they…" His breath shuddered a little. "You weren't the only one who lost someone that day, Ianto," he eventually whispered.

"Sir?" Ianto replied, his forehead crumpling in confusion at Jack's admission.

"At the… battle. Canary Wharf. My friend, Rose Tyler, she was on the list of the dead. Lisa may have been subjected to all of this, but at least you know what happened to her."

"Don't you know what happened to her? Your… friend?" Ianto asked, stumbling a little over the word friend – it didn't seem as though Jack thought of her as just a friend.

Jack shook his head. If he noticed Ianto's hesitation over his choice of words, he didn't mention it. "She was on the list of the dead. But no one I spoke to saw her body. There were rumours of her running around the tower before everything kicked off, but nothing after…"

"After the Daleks appeared," Ianto finished for him, earning him a look of surprise from Jack. "I… I was hiding from the Cybermen when they came out of the Sphere. I never liked that thing." He snorted with laughter and rolled his eyes. "I think that's why I was so desperate to help fix Lisa," he confessed.

"Because you never liked the Sphere?" Jack asked in confusion.

"Because I did nothing but hide from the Cybermen, while I should have stood against them and fought next to her."

Jack reached out and took Ianto's hand in his once more. "If you had done that, you would have been killed instantly. I know what the Cybermen are like, Ianto. I might have never faced them until that point, but they're ruthless. They don't distinguish between the guilty and those who are innocent."

"But you have faced the Daleks before," Ianto stated, not releasing Jack's hand.

"What?" Jack spluttered, jerking away from Ianto in surprise.

Ianto wouldn't let him release his hand. "When I said the Daleks came out of the Sphere. You reacted… Not many people who weren't there would have done that," he explained calmly. "When did you face them?" he asked softly, mimicking Jack's earlier action and running him thumb over the back of Jack's hand.

Jack laughed bitterly and shook his head. "That was a long time ago. A very long time." Ianto looked at him imploringly, but Jack refused to continue. "I mean it, Ianto. It was a very long time ago. Far longer than I care to confess."

"But," he added, turning fully so that he was facing the young Welshman and cupping his cheek with his hand, "please don't hate me for what I had to do. I… I know hatred is all you can think right now, but please… don't hate me forever. I could never… You're as much a member of this team as the others and I don't think I could live with myself if any of you hated me."

Ianto reached up and covered Jack's hand with his own. "I don't hate you," he murmured, surprising himself by how much he actually meant the words he was speaking. "You were right to do what you did. I just couldn't see that."

Jack smiled and before either of them knew what was happening, their lips met in a soft kiss.

"Jack," Ianto breathed against the Captain's mouth. "Please…" He shook his head. "I can't… Not right now… It's too soon."

Jack smiled sadly and ran his hand down Ianto's cheek, feeling his stubble beneath his palm. "I understand," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

He squeezed Ianto's hand once before getting to his feet and collecting the mop once more. "Come on then, Mr Jones," he grinned, nodding to the brush Ianto had discarded earlier. "The sooner we clean up here, the sooner we can both get out of here and go for a drink to drown our sorrows."

"You don't drink," Ianto retorted, standing up and grabbing the brush.

"On days like this I do," Jack replied. "I'm not planning on doing any travelling tonight, so yes, on days like this I do certainly drink."

The End


End file.
